Three powerful tools to help you overcome negativity in your life
Let's face it, negativity is a reality in all of our lives. We experience it in the workplace, at home with our families, in our personal relationships, and even online. It knows no bounds.
Left unchecked, negativity and criticism can take a massive toll on your well being. It is a direct cause of self doubt, which dramatically impacts how you look at the world and move through life.
Learning how to overcome negative energy and hurtful comments is so important - because if you’re not careful, those bad vibes can and will stifle your flow.
In this article I’m sharing three invaluable tools to help you deal with negativity and (non-constructive) criticism. The goal is to protect your confidence and continue to pursue the things in life that make you happy, without ever worrying about what anyone thinks about it.
It’s about them, not you.
When someone says something to you that stings, our natural reaction is typically to convince ourselves that this person is right, or that we’ve done something wrong or somehow deserved it.
Before you internalize insults though, remember this: what we think and do depends entirely on the lens through which we see things. How someone speaks to you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. It’s not about you.
So don’t take it personally - their perception doesn’t have to (and shouldn't) define your reality.
How you respond is more important than what they say.
We can’t help how other people see or speak to us, but we can absolutely control how we react.
When the negative vibes hit, ask yourself: what is the best way to respond to this situation, so that I’m not giving air to it and making it worse?
Appearing bothered, getting defensive, or worse, becoming negative yourself only escalates both the outer conflict you’re experiencing and the inner conflict you’re feeling.
To mitigate the impact negativity has on you, try the opposite: appear unbothered, avoid getting defensive, and don’t respond in-kind.
If you’re really bothered, it’s probably best to process it when you have some space, anyways. So in the moment, take a breath, keep cool, and ask yourself this:
How can I communicate so this individual feels seen, while re-directing the conversation to a more positive place?
We may not be able to control what people say to us, but you can always craft a response that leaves a conversation or situation in a better place than how it started.
A few specific methods I recommend to accomplish this are -
Thanking someone for their feedback
Letting them know you will look into their concern
Asking questions
Seeking common ground
Each of the suggestions above work particularly well for diffusing negative remarks and conversations.
What you do will depend on whether you’re dealing with a client, friend, colleague, or a complete stranger. But some combination of the above is bound to help move you toward a more positive place.
Give people some grace.
One of the best tools for overcoming or dealing with negativity is to just give people grace.
No matter if it’s a complete stranger that’s hurt you, or someone you know well - if they are living in a negative headspace, there’s a good chance they are struggling with something quite difficult. The sooner we recognize this the sooner we can empathize with them and approach the conversation from a place of understanding.
Most of the time, we haven’t a clue what other people are going through in their lives. At any given moment someone could have lost a loved one, their job, or their marriage. Or they might just be having a crappy day.
Remembering this makes it easier to set aside the hurt and make room for compassion.
Final Thoughts
Standing firm in the face of insults and negativity is tough. But if you can master that skill, you can turn any situation into a positive and come out stronger than ever before.
Many of the most successful people (who are frequent targets of negativity) recognize this, and actively use negative energy to fuel their growth.
Because after all, even in the most negative insult, there is often a kernel of truth. And if we can just allow ourselves to not take everything so personally, maybe we can hear that little morsel of truth that might just change our lives… Or at the very least, improve them.
There’s not always something of value that will come out of a negative interaction, but you can never lose by keeping an open mind and approaching the situation with objectivity.
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